Westportlandia

Monday, January 26, 2015

I want to be Karen Walker

Karen Walker, you know... the real star of Will & Grace, is our hero. For any fan of the show we don't need to explain ourselves, but, for those who are either not familiar or unconvinced we present you:

Karen Walker: Sage, Snark & Substances

This woman is held together with drugs & alcohol and in the best way possible. In a way that makes you think it's a great idea to day-drink every day and maybe even pop a few unmarked pills for fun. Or Both! Definitely both.

While she is filthy stinking rich that doesn't mean she isn't in touch with the real-world and gives you truthful, honest advice. Even if you didn't ask for it. It's best that you always trust and listen to anything she has to say.

Plus She's very progressive in her beliefs.

Her fashion and style is on pointe, just like everything else about her; she spent a lot of money on it.

And if you're still not convinced...

I want to be Karen Walker when I grow up.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Come for the food, stay for the art: Cafe Sebastienne

I'll confess right now that I don't often take pictures of my food. Most of the time I remember after I'm halfway through the meal, that being said...

This past weekend Sunday Brunch was taken at Cafe Sebastienne inside the Kemper Musuem. An acclaimed restaurant inside a modern art museum for when you need both mouth and eye porn simultaneously.

Their brunch menu is a true spectrum of dishes: a black walnut pesto omelet with goat cheese to Moroccan lamb meatloaf. Eggs Benedict on crab cakes, Kobe beef hash or fish tacos. Yes, please- one of each.

Unfortunately there is no all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet here, so we had to make decisions. We went with the omelet stuffed with pesto and goats cheese and the Kobe beef hash (with poached eggs and hollandaise atop!). And we also split a bowl of lentil soup. I can assure you that a) both everything was amazing and b) I mustered up enough table manners to not inhale the whole plate in 7 seconds.

If you like bloody mary's then you should come for that alone. Just trust. And my Italian coffee had more than a litter pistachio liquor. You can't go wrong. In fact it might make the modern art a bit more accessible to be a little tipsy...

Where do you go for a fancy-pants brunch?

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Kansas City Swings Both Ways

I grew up in Kansas City, Missouri. Not some shitty suburb but the actual city. A little over a year ago I bought a house in Kansas City, Kansas. After realizing that my money would go further on the west side of State Line (in the midtown neighborhood at least), it was an easy decision. Besides, I can still see Missouri from my house.

People have asked me how I’ve adjusted to the change and or if I prefer one state to another and I’m floored. Besides a few clerical differences there was no chasm or divide to “get over” in my out-of-state move. I couldn’t believe people thought there would be. Kansas City goes both ways!

I can still see all my friends and family, eat at the same great restaurants, get drunk at the same dirty bars and root for ALL the sports ballz team.

But maybe there are a few differences (Brownback not withstanding), Kansas has:

Snow Removal. On ALL street INCLUDING residential streets. Good luck getting anything plowed in Missouri. Sucker.

Unlimited trash pick-up. MO limits you to 2 bags.

Only need a rear license plate. The front of my car feels liberated.

No car inspection required on tag renewals. Live dangerously.

When traveling abroad no one knows about Missouri but everyone knows Kansas. Thanks Dorothy.

I’m not saying one is better than the other (except on the snow removal point- that one definitely goes to KS) rather, we’re just one big city with arbitrary lines that define whether or not we have an all blue license plate or a white and blue license plate.

Maybe we need to do away with the “State Line” and have a “State Spectrum” instead. KC lands squarely in the middle and will not conform to any state identity labels you have for her! And this is just another reason to love Kansas City.

Leave a comment about why YOU love Kansas City.

Monday, November 24, 2014

It's a Great Time to be a Knucklehead

Knuckleheads is a KC institution. You'd be hard pressed to find a Kansas Citian that hasn't been to a show at Knuckleheads. You're even more hard pressed to find someone who actually knows how to get there. We all end up in the general vicinity and somehow just follow the marquee lights. It's true that you have to drive through a few, ahem, unsavory parts to get to this fine establishment; don't worry though because it's absolutely worth it and only like 3 people have been raped.

In some ways Knuckleheads reminds me of the Original Strouds, before it got all fancy and "followed health codes" and moved to the burbs. I remember going to the run-down restaurant at 85th and Troost and noticing that while the building and neighborhood itself was less than shiny, the place was always packed. It didn't matter that every other business in the area had boarded up shop, Strouds had a wait every single night. Who cared if there was an open hole in the dining room floor, pass the fried gizzards!

Nestled against the railroad tracks, Knuckleheads is a great venue for ~~fried chicken~~ live music. Intimate, eclectic and worn. Whether or not you are visiting or a long-time resident you need to get yourself down here. Part of the charm IS the dodgy neighborhood.

Friday night the local Talking Heads tribute band, Found a Job, put on one helluvah show. There was such a great cross section of this town in attendance, a great night for dancing indeed. And for "borrowing" other people dope-ass glasses.

So, Kittens and Cats (KC for short...), listen to me when I say go to Knuckleheads! If you'd like to ease yourself into it, there is a free (FREE) show coming up this Saturday. Just Remember to bring a non-perishable food donation for Harvesters.

And remember that the bar is cash only.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Speaking of Coffee...

The morning after the murderers left my house it was obvious Dan and I had to go to Corner Restaurant. We needed good food, better coffee and I didn't want to spend $50 for 2 people. Like I said - obvious.

It's not unique to Corner Restaurant but they have a coffee station in their waiting area for guests to help themselves. (Sidenote: to anyone who gets annoyed that you have to wait for brunch... don't go to brunch. It's like getting annoyed that eggs are on the menu - It's a fact.) When we were sat our waiter kept refilling our coffee cups WITHOUT ever charging us for coffee.

Kudos to your Corner Restaurant! Not sure if this was over-sight, an accident or on purpose but you made your good coffee BETTER that morning.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

We killed it!

Westportlandia threw a Halloween party this year and made it a murder mystery to boot. Inspired by Clue, the 1920's and all things creepy we set out creating the characters and writing a pot line. Who has the cash to buy on of these things anyway? That's booze money y'all!

Suspects, erm, guests arrived in style.

The party came to a screeching halt when we found Riche Morte hanging, dead, in the basement. Who would want to kill Riche Morte? Turns out, everyone has a motive...

Everyone is a suspect, the detective clears the crime scene and presents the evidence.

The detective questions the Iranian Mafia, why were they here tonight?

Who did it? The Ex-wife? The physic? The art dealer? The broke artist? The Fiance?

Chaz did YOU do it?

More screams coming from the library!

John, Riche's recently discovered bastard child is dead!

No, seriously, who did it?

This isn't a laughing matter.... OK, maybe it is....

Bel'la finally comes forward confessing her guilt, she killed her father to get the inheritance and after Johnny, her newly found half brother, was unveiled she decided she had to kill him too.

That's a wrap!

Monday, October 27, 2014

Murder Mystery Party!

Your presence is requested by Riche Morte and his fiance Roxana Darius for a special event. This celebration is to showcase and view Mr. Morte's latest addition to his priceless fine art collection. Music and dancing will commence in the grand ball room at 8pm.